January 2010
What if Captain Morgan fucked a Wild Turkey?
WHAT THE FUCK IF PEOPLE
FUCK THE REFS THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry, I have to yell here and not out loud at work.
December 2009
WTF THE HD STREAM OF THE SUN BOWL STOPPED...
So now I have to check the ESPN Gametracker LIKE A CHUMP.
THANKS STEVE
How in the hell could I forget to put sex on my list?
No one puts sex in a corner, but you could put it on a platter.
Also, I like the cool whip item, as well as never trusting a big butt and a smile, but in truth, that’s been my life motto.
Otherwise I would have been poisoned to death YEARS ago.
Looking Back...Looking Forward
2009 was an interesting year for me. I discovered myself. And I discovered that I can be happy and have fun and be drunk and enjoy cooking and be lazy and get fat and watch a scary movie alone and go out to a bar, etc. etc.
Not that I didn’t know this before, but lets just say that I am doing things now outside of the box I was in for the better part of 12 years.
And here are my New Years...
Based on the Facebook stuff I saw today
Most of the chicks I graduated HS with decided to marry above their station.
Like 20 years above their station.
http://timestolen.tumblr.com/post/306577334 →
timestolen:
The battery is finally charged, and I can get to work on assembling and hanging some stuff.
This is T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
STUDS IN MY HOUSE, BEWARE.
DRILL BABY DRILL
tiffanyjmoore:
For @squibble.
HELL YEAH MTV...
SUNDAY NIGHT DANCE PARTY
I TALK TALK
I TALK TO...
Cinematic Sexual Autobiography
Mike: Jennifer Love Hewitt in pigtails makes me think nothing but good things
Me: Can't hardly wait? WRITE THAT BITCH A LOVE LETTER
Mike: She was hottest in House Arrest. Her mom was Joey Lauren Adams. Number 1 on my mother/daughter tag team list.
Me: That's tough to top.
Mike: Natalie Portman / 1977 Carrie Fisher
Me: OH PADME
Mike: Also I'm watching Batman, the point at which Kim Basinger was most Boner-Inducing.
Me: NO. That is Cool World. Hot and vulnerable.
Mike: Only half counts because she's a cartoon. Batman is in my cinematic sexual autobiography.
I LOVE ALL TUMBLR PEOPLE
Except Michele. Last time I was drunk and loved up on the interwebs, she didn’t heart SHIT.
OH
And my amending of that request is to take the “naked” part out.
Not the “hot” part.
That could have been awkward AND disturbing.
Uh
I have beers and liquors in me. Not enough though.
Also I asked Santa for a hot naked chick, but I’d like to amend that as I am staying with my folks tonight and it would be kinda awkward.
"pouring the beef"
Actually, if you know me well, no quotes are needed for that one.
HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY TUMBLRERS
I’m headed south to drink heavily and avoid people I went to school with.
I also installed that Words with Internet Acquaintances App, if anyone is interested.
The name on there is NOT squibble, sadly. It is SoonerGrad.
I wanted to use Thunderlips The Ultimate Male, but it didn’t fit.
Sometimes I do not make the most sense after a few...
And while this should bother me, it just makes me laugh at myself.
toosweet4rnr:
LL Cool J - Doin’ It
I was...
You all are quite awesome.
But the correct answer is #1. I do not have a fire going.
Also none of you have met my imaginary naked girlfriend from Canadia.
My Evening
1. Fire in the fireplace.
2. I have beer.
3. Hot Beautiful Naked Woman beckoning me to join her on the couch.
4. Wrapping Presents.
5. I have caramel popcorn from The Popcorn Factory
Which one of these is false?
I had a brief moment where I considered going back...
And that’s why I’m gonna leave early and start drinkin.
So little to say and so much time to say it!!
HOLY JEEBUS
It’s kinda funny watching people blow up on the internet for being unfollowed.
So I should assume from the echoing crickets that...
coyotesqrl:
halfbakedidea:
coyotesqrl:
One answer, a humorous one at that, to my question about whether Avatar had a story to go with its lavish efx. I guess the silence serves as all the answer I really need, right?
Would a blind person enjoy an art museum or the planetarium? Would a deaf person enjoy going to the orchestra or listening to that band you love? Are those your decision...
WHAT THE FUCK
People are discussing blow jobs?
THIS IS LIKE TALKING ABOUT FOOD TO A STARVING PERSON.
Beer #2
And I’m noticing that these tight pants are “bringing the produce section to the forefront”.
I feel like I’m on display here! I AM NOT A PIECE OF MEAT.
I WILL NOT WEAR THESE PANTS AGAIN.
Now I want a bacon cheeseburger.
Crapplebees anyone?
This coffee flavored lollipop tastes like actual...
And I am quite disappointed about this.
Sooooooooo
Mike Huckabee is comparing Ben Nelson to Judas for voting to allow health care to be voted upon.
Which also, by logic, compares the passing of a weak health care bill TO THE KILLING OF JESUS.
WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE.
Is there anyone out there who can make a decent argument, or can at least call out the people who make idiotic statements and crazy extreme analogies?
FUCK IT. I need to run for...
He’s burnt up like a weenie and his name is...
Why does Freddy not try and hook up with these...
You catch more flies with honey!!
JOHNNY DEPP WAS IN THE FIRST NIGHTMARE ON ELM...
I’m watching that now. Logical progression from porn.
I really wouldn't mind some apple pie right now
Warmed up.
With ice cream on top
and caramel drizzled over it.
I like all you people.
I’m a happy drunk. or happy buzzer or whatever.
Next time I want to live tweet a Nicolas Cage...
Someone please dissuade me. I think next time I will be drunker and watch twilight.
CAPTAIN MORGAN
Based on tonight, he’s not a one night stand. He’s more of a 1.5 or a 2 night stand.
Sorry
I hope I’m not offending anyone, but this is making me LOL.
I DONT FEEL FUNNY
Maybe i should change the movie to porn.